Day 12 – rainbows and butterflies and words and sharp objects

To love your students makes you vulnerable. Until this week, I never saw that as a weakness. Only when it is turned and made to hurt does one realize the risk involved with loving your kids.

Ortega, powering through her prisma. So gorgeous.

Ortega, powering through her prisma. So gorgeous.

Progress on Caroline's painting!

Progress on Caroline’s painting!

I constantly try to remind myself that there are students who are grateful. There will always be the ones who need someone more than just a teacher — a mentor, a friend, a confidante. Even when those precious hearts show you what you mean to them, it is still painful when others show you mean nothing to them. It hurts to have it happen to you, but it is even more painful to witness.

Progress on Aud's mixed media piece! I think she has done an awesome job depicting Laura!

Progress on Aud’s mixed media piece! I think she has done an awesome job depicting Laura!

Angel and I worked together to get the photographs she needed for her Concentration! She started this week and I am in LOVE with the expressive mark making she is incorporating into her charcoal works.

Angel and I worked together to get the photographs she needed for her Concentration! She started this week and I am in LOVE with the expressive mark making she is incorporating into her charcoal works.

I’m grateful for them both. The ones who hurt, intentionally or not, make you stronger, wiser, and a bit more fierce. The ones who need you remind you why you are there, and what it feels like to make a sound and strong investment.

Layer 5 on my mixed media work.

Layer 5 on my mixed media work.

Rachel's graphite work. The hammer looks like a photograph. They amaze me.

Rachel’s graphite work. The hammer looks like a photograph. They amaze me.

I hope in a few years time, I can read back on this and know I still hold those same values. I hope years from now, I will still be grateful for those that hurt me and those that build me. Because if the ones that hurt are allowed to break things down, then what is left but ruin? I can be of no use to any one if I am ruin.

Faitlin, onto a new work. Her work ethic is inspiring.

Faitlin, onto a new work. Her work ethic is inspiring.

AB embroidering.

AB embroidering.

I have been debating for three days whether or not to post this blog. It’s been a daily struggle, trying to figure out what is okay to write about and what is not, but this is honest and real and hard. I know I have it so much easier than most student teachers, but pain is relative, and this sort of issue is the one that affects me, and my CT, the most. She’s a beautiful person, constantly taking blame for the few faults in her classes. She is an amazing teacher, and I think if I asked her, she might agree that her biggest weakness (and greatest strength) is caring so much about her students. It is easy for me to say, as an outsider and a less invested individual, what is happening in a classroom, but that does not mean I am right. I know nothing compared to the four years she has had these students. So next week, my goal is to hush, to be fair, and to try to react less and observe more. And to be a co-teacher and a friend to this incredible woman who has accepted me and trusted me with the environment of her classroom. It is not my place to change that, nor should I desire it. These kids are only mine by adoption, through her. And I should try my best to see them through her eyes.

Song of the blog:
LOVE WILL TELL US WHERE TO GO // BRIDGIT MENDLER

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